If this is love...

She stood in the doorway, fingers rattling nervously over the keys of her phone as she typed a text message, face tense, a few mascara streaked tears wandering down the soft brown of her cheek. She wasn't talking to me, but to her best friend who was in the other room.

"I just don't get it", the girl choked. "It didn't used to be this way with him and me. I never thought this would happen to us."

I'd never seen her so subdued. The girl talking is one of my suitemates- her best friend is the other. Usually, Kiki is brazen, brassy, carefree- impossible to embarrass or disconcert. She laughs at things which would offend or grieve anyone else- I would have said that NOTHING was sacred to her- yet here she was, weeping all over her carefully applied makeup, convulsively toying with her phone, arms folded as though to shield herself from hurt- or to hide a wound. Maybe the coarseness, the shrillness are a front- a bold face against all the inexplicable terror and cruelty of life? Perhaps that hardened exterior is really a protective shell enfolding a sensitivity I was too dull to guess at? Perhaps...
Do we ever really know anyone? Even the people we live with?

But she was still standing there, stammering out through pauses a rather hysterical jumble about the issues she is having with her boyfriend. Then, at the end, as I was leaving for class, she said something that I don't think I'll ever forget.

"Love aint s'posed to be like this. He say he love me. Well, I say, if this is love, I DON'T WANT IT!"

And something in me, which had been hard and unforgiving towards them both, melted in a rush of anguished pity. I longed to jump into the conversation and tell her all that was burning in my heart. But, instead, afraid of 'meddling', afraid of 'offending', afraid of being rejected yet again, I walked out the door, and off to class. I don't know quite what else I could have done, and yet, there is so much which I desperately wanted to say to her at that moment. I don't know if I even have words for the feeling, but I will write it here:

" 'If this is love...', you said. Do you know what love is? Have you ever felt it? Ever seen it? You know about shootings. About abuse. About discrimination and betrayal, about drug dealing, and streets where no grass grows, and skies without stars. But love- love? Do you know about that? Would you even recognise it if you saw it?
'If this is love...' But, oh, Kierra, Kierra, that isn't. I don't know what's gone wrong for you, I don't know why you're upset, but I can tell you that what you're describing isn't love. Not that I'm an expert- and yet, I KNOW Love- and He is nothing like that. May I, can I show you what LOVE has to say for Himself?

Exodus 24:6 '...The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.'

1 Chronicles 16:34 'Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.'

2 Corinthians 13:11 '...And the God of love and peace will be with you.'

1John 4:8 'God IS love'

So who is Love? HE is love!

But WHAT is love?

'This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us....' (1 John 3:16)

'Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.' (John 15:13)

'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails... (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

'...Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up....' (1 Corinthians 8:1)


Kierra, does that sound like any 'love' you have ever experienced before? I know I'VE never received it, not from the dearest people in the world- but it overflows from Him! It's His nature, His identity!

Maybe you don't think you deserve it, and of course you don't. No more do I. Yet, still, He gives anyway, and gives, and gives!

'THIS is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.' (John 4:10)

'But God demonstrates his own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.'

'If this is love...' you said. If you had any idea what love is, and where it comes from, such a statement would be ridiculous. Perhaps what you're embroiled in is 'romance'. It might be 'relationship', or 'admiration', even 'friendship' after a fashion, but love? No! Never!

Of course, romance, admiration, and friendships can be remarkably pleasant. You know that as well as anyone. They have ups and downs, though- sometimes, even fall completely apart! Where do you go then? What can you cling to? Who stays near you?

There is a verse in my Bible, marked with a date, and with the still stinging memory of heartbroken tears:

Isaiah 54: 10 'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you.'

I read that verse now, and I cannot fathom what it was to me at the moment I marked it, and held onto it for dear life. I remember the confidence that swept over me- that the things happening all around, and the things that MIGHT happen, and all the millions of things I don't understand were NOTHING in the face of His unfailing love, and His covenant of peace, and His compassion for me- for my weakness and brokenness, nearsightedness and confusion!

Do you really want to replace the overwhelming peace and comfort of that passage with the temporary 'fix' of a movie or a new dress?
Do you have anything better?

Hosea 6:3-7 'Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth. What can I do with you, Ephraim? What can I do with you Judah? Your love is like the morning mist, like the early dew that disappears...I desire mercy [Hebrew 'hesed': right conduct, loyalty.], not sacrifice, and acknowledgement of God rather than burnt offerings. Like Adam, they have broken the covenant- they were unfaithful to me...'

'If this is love...' But of course, it isn't. A shadow, perhaps. A cheap imitation, at best. It won't ever satisfy you. Won't sustain you. Won't last. His love- the love of the one Who IS love- is entirely different.
The best we have to give of ourselves, either to God, or to the people around us is love that is like the morning mist- which trembles into nothing at a ray of sun or a breath of wind- like dew that is vanishing almost before it is fallen.

That is not the kind of love He is offering you. That is not the kind of love you are hungry for.
Proverbs 19:6 says: 'What a man desires is unfailing love...'
And Psalm 33:5 assures us: 'The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love.'

Amy Carmichael once wrote:

"It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires which He creates."

Do you think the Creator could not know that His creatures desire unfailing love, and cannot be content with less? Do you think He expects that beings created for eternity could settle for love that does not endure forever also?
Nothing of the sort is true. He has given us a gnawing hunger for His kind of love- for the love that only He can give. And He WILL give it, if only you will let Him!

He doesn't want you to go through the motions, to make more effort, to clean up your life. He isn't primarily concerned with your cigarettes, or cussing, or promiscuity. Because you could turn your back on all of that, and still it would mean nothing at all. We've all failed Him, from Adam on down. We've turned our backs on love, TRUE love, even while we were crying out for it, frantically trying to fill up the void.

Kierra, He wants YOU- your heart- pitiful, corroded as it is! Holiness- sanctification- those follow. They're terribly important. But it's not the point. You, your goodness, your badness, are irrelevant. You'll never be good enough to win His approval. You'll never be bad enough to forfeit His love. God isn't primarily concerned with the language you use, or the drugs you put in your body, or who you're sleeping with. Because, until your heart has been opened to a deep, consuming, operative faith in Christ and His atonement, it's irrelevant! He doesn't WANT you to 'clean up your act', or 'get your life back on track'. He wants you to fall before Him, broken, and let HIM do what needs to be done.
And that is love- the continuous pattern of our brokenness, and His redemption.
Are you very, very sure that you don't want it? Anything else will leave you here, right where you started, weeping in anger and disillusionment; forever nursing wounded affections and wounded pride. And that's a pretty miserabe place to dwell in.

So, '...Let us press on to acknowledge Him...'

And someday, I hope you will say to Him:

'Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its ardor unyielding as the grave. It burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.'(SS 8:6-7)

THAT is Love.

'...I pray that you... may have power... to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you... may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.' (Ephesians 3:17-19)